Updates from past “online datees” and amusing messages from this weekend.

Brit Blondie Blue Eyes – If only I could take screen shots with my phone…so this dude has sent me some texts at random times through out the past 3-4 days. My fave one by far was, “Thinking about your curves”. He claims he wasn’t drunk – can’t help shake the feeling that either he regrets the “lets be friends line” or is trying to hook me up with his fellow British mate. Not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just simply that I like to choose who I date – unless you are actually my friend.

Divorcee looking for babymomma for his babygirl – This was the guy who made plans he couldn’t follow through with because he suggested meeting up later than we should have…anywhooo…he texted me 1 week and a half after date #1. I find this completely unacceptable and am not responding cuz in my mind it was over after our strained dinner convo.

Programmer/Funny Guy – I have a guy friend (who I did NOT meet online) whom I liked verrrry briefly who fits this profile, but is a genuinley cool guy and we’re actually capable of being friends cuz he’s fun and stuff…as for the guy I did meet online (see post below, this is the one I brought my bestie with since he had a single model guy with him). We did lunch last Friday. He’s hiring programmers, I do Information Technology staffing so I was steering this to be a sales meeting of sorts and I made no move to hide the fact. When he hugged me hello and said, “do we have to keep this lunch short and sweet like you?”, I wanted to say – yep, grab a pre-made wrap and bounce. Instead we had a nice lunch and he flirted while I asked questions about his requirements. This dude doesn’t drink, dance, like music and although he’s got a nice (GUYS, YOU NEVER WANT A GIRL TO DESCRIBE YOU AS BEING ‘NICE’!!!) personality, I might enjoy dating a door more (at least they can swing [dance] ).

Re: Messages –
So I got 9 new messages this weekend. Most consisted of 1-4 words. My fave one was this:

From: ANONYMOUS DUDE (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: Hi Sent Date: 8/21/2010 12:54:47 PM

Hey whats up how are you. My name is Rob i am a very sucessful business ban in New York City. I live on the Uppper east Side. I own my own business along with 2 ohter business partners. I was reading your profile and I think we have a lot in common. I was curious to see if you have aim maybe we can chat?

Anyone else find it hilarious that he “OWNS his OWN business”.  Let’s hope his business venture isn’t a spelling textbook publishing company. Ahhhahahaaa!!! I swear…

Everyone’s fave bitch,
Lovalie xx

It’s finally happened. Someone sent me a poem they wrote.

From: DUDE  (View All Correspondence) Sent Date: 8/12/2010 2:14:40 PMSubject: I do want to get to know u better? (Contains Gift)

DUDE has used some points and bought you this gift!!!.   I WROTE THIS POEM AND I HOPE U LIKE THIS POEM       Sunshine   Baby, I was a fool to follow m heart and I didn’t realize I were hurting you in the process…   I didn’t mean to treating you like I’m crazy….     You always been there for me, while I were blind by love. when i really open my eyes to see the real sunshine underneath my nose that is you!!!!!!!   I was a fool to let you go and i didn’t fight for my love. I let me make up to you and let me shine with you!!!!  Let me shine with you…. Let me shine on us…. Let the sunshine on us!!!!!!!    It is a beautiful day so we can chill. The sun is chill with the blue sky and following us     The sun burn me to death helped me realize, I was missing something the Sunshine brighten my day it’s you!!!!!!   You, are my moon evolved my world, the suns bright light bring peace to my soul…..   Your touch bring peace to my soul and I am greatiful what I have the sun shine to my life…….  my name is DUDE single living queens new york working as security officer/ shift supervisor. me doing my own thing looking for ms. right. a little thing about me i am the youngest in my family i will turn 29 this month and yes my sign is a leo! i am very close to my sister and my mom my family is very important in my life and one day i would love to have a family of my own! the longest relationship i hold is 3 months lack of commitment and trust. i have a hard time trusting people. um what i am looking for she must be sweet caring honest risk taker outgoing friendly good kisser good listener have a big heart, want kids in life and into long term relationship? me i am sweet caring kisser romantic shy not afraid to follow my heart and i am old fashion type of guy.

WOWZERS. WOW. That’s all I have to say. Sorry you lost a few precious minutes of your life reading this post.

WTF, Seriously!?? (and 1st date reviews!)

Logged into my online dating profile of choice (I only have one…) and I had a message that literally said – whatever, I’ll just copy and paste here:

From: DUDE WHO SHOULD THANK HIS LUCKY STARS THAT I DON’T POST HIS USER NAME(View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: wassup Sent Date: 8/11/2010 8:20:26 PM

Yo shorty, like your stlye u seem mad chill. I got a little girl, has your pretty look and needs a mama, intrested? Hit me back ma.

Case in point…

 

From: Dude (View Profile) (View All Correspondence)
Subject: hey Sent Date: 8/4/2010 9:53:25 PM

hey you have a beutiful smile & i like ur profile. im james im 25 from brooklyn. this is actually my first time on a dating site. im a laid back happy person easy to talk to. im independant & real focused on my career anyway u cuaght my eye hope to hear back from u

Ughh. Hold your breath.

xx3 Lovalie

Hey Dudes, you’re gramer and spelling sux.

     …And this is not cool. Maybe it’s just moi, but a little spelling and proper grammar can go a LONG way. Putting effort into using spell-check (don’t be ashamed, we all use it at one point of another).  Acknowledging proper nouns (i.e. capitalization), correct punctuation, making sure all tenses match and (one of my personal pet peeves) using contractions and homophones correctly (to/too/two, their/there, your/you’re) can really help you in life in general, NOT just online dating or social networking in general. The same way a smart and sassy lady might look at an abundance of errors and scoff so will a coworker, a superior, a blog reader – heck, your own momma! Taking the time to also ensure that your messages are well-written also shows your audience that you care about how you communicate and thus you may have a better chance of being taken seriously (unless the content in your well written message is stupid, well then I can’t help you).

      Granted, we’re not all grammar professors, I know I’ve probably made 10+ errors in this blog post alone, but doing things like having people proofread things or using Google don’t hurt. I often times compare dating to job hunting. Do you take the time to get to know a company before applying? Do you tailor your cover letter to a particular role so that you stand out more? Do you edit and keep your resume fresh and current throughout the job search process? If not, then you should. No job is standard and likewise no lady or gent is the same, there’s no such thing as a universal cover letter or online dating introduction.

     This rant stems from the plethora of messages I get saying things like, “Your pretty”, “I like karaoke to” and “I also like (band name here), their on tour this summer!” – maybe I’m a bitch, but I think if you pride yourself on having an impressive command of the English language (as probably 99% of the people who make these errors in the social networking-sphere do), then these are simple little tips we should have all had a grasp on somewhere in between 6th-8th grade…let’s not even get started with tHiS sH!T. tHaT’s A HoLe OtHer StoRy!!!!!111111k. Thankfully I’m not 14 years old and I don’t get too many of those ;-). In conclusion, ladies and germs, let’s get our shit together and not give people a reason to ding us just because we can’t spell or write. These skills are golden and self-improvement is always a plus.

P.S. I am the “run-on sentence” queen. Not in my job, but probably on this blog and especially verbally. Yep.

xx3 Lovalie

For the 14 messages…

that I recieved over the weekend (that were 5 words or more), 2 of them seem like guys that may be worth getting to know.

 

Oh and “message boy” wrote 2 of those to messages, titled them “Message 6” & “Message ?” – first message asked how I was doing and the second asked if I was a BP Oil Executive…I could’ve gotten creative with that one, but I really don’t want to encourage this idiot.

 

So out of the 2 seemingly normal men I heard from one is an improv comedian (almost went there, me thinks I may have been a handful for his slender frame and too much of a social butterfly) and the other works for the city and has a snarky way with words…momma likes snarky. We shall see and if they do something stupid or I get any out of this world messages, so will you =).

<3x Lovalie

When guys don’t get the hint, even when I’m blunt.

Disclaimer: The convo below has not been edited in any shape or form. Everything is left as it transpired, including the stupid ‘subject titles’ to remind me how many messages he has blessed me with. I kid you not.

From: Dude Subject: Message Number 1

Sent Date: 7/22/2010 1:03:31 PM

Hey,

I think you look pretty and seem nice. I want to find out more about you.

Do guys really message you trying to act hard and gangster… on an internet dating site? I can be hard but I’m not gangster  🙂

I think it’s cool to be silly if you are true to yourself, but it’s silly to be anything if you aren’t. H.O.L.L.A. A.T.C.H.A. B.O.I.

What do you like to do in your free time?

Have a great day!

From: Dude Subject: RE:Message Number 1

Sent Date: 7/23/2010 1:23:20 PM

I see you read my message. Talk to me. WRITE BACK. Tell me about yourself. Let me go first: Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching this summer, but I haven’t figured out if I like Southpark or Spongebob more.

From: Me Subject: RE:Message Number 1

Sent Date: 7/23/2010 4:39:06 PM

Judging by your interests on your profile (ie. rapping, Olympic weightlifting, coaching/watching  football, not liking going out), your really crazy thick beard – complete with muttonchops and your usage of caps lock in both your profile and in your messages to me I don’t think we’d be compatible. Good luck though and take care!

From: Dude Subject: Message Number 3

Sent Date: 7/24/2010 12:01:51 PM

I believe that nice guys have a responsibility to be firm, otherwise bad people would destroy society.

Talk to me… Or reject me, you won’t hurt my feelings. Take care.

From: Me Subject: Message Number 3

Sent Date: 7/24/2010 2:25:34 PM

Not interested.

From: Dude Subject: Message Number 4                                Sent Date: 7/27/2010 5:49:44 PM

   In your profile, you wrote, “I hate writing blurbs about myself because I words can never convey how a person reeally is…but for now I suppose this will do.”

True, but maybe I can make you blush anyway. You look so free spirited in your photos. The one where you are holding a pumpkin makes me think that I should tell you how special you are every chance I get before it’s too late. Let me get to know you.

Did you grow up in the city?

From: Dude Subject: Message Number 5 Sent Date: 7/28/2010 7:15:40 AM

Rise and shine, sleepyhead.

😀

 Really folks…this is how it went (may still be going) down (the drain). Perhaps I could have been nicer, but I figured being kinda cold and blunt would decrease the chances of him continuing to message me despite my painfully evident lack of interest.

Someone must’ve had difficulty on reading comprehension or he’s a real go getter! Ladies if you’re interested in having this man keep you warm on cold winter nights, let me know and I will make it happen!

Always aiming to please,

<3x Lovalie

Interesting Article Relevant to Online Dating!

I thought this article was pretty interesting…the only thing I personally fibbed about was being 5’1. I’m actually exactly 5’0ft, however they do say that people are 2 inches taller when lying down – this being said I’m just averaging my actual height between how tall (err…short) I am between standing and not standing – so there.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/28/online-dating-advice-what_n_660615.html

Introduction.

So I’ve (not so) recently gone headfirst into the confusing, misleading, sometimes endearing and often times humorous world of online dating.

On average, I respond to 2 out of every 10 messages I receive (on one single dating site, which like myself, will remain anonymous as to not put a sour taste in anyone’s mouth for this particular online dating site). My low response rate statistic is not due to me having higher than thou ideals or unreasonably high standards, more so I seem to attract some real bozos who are vapid and obnoxious on their quest to inform girls about how hot they are (or in this case, I am) and how we should be so lucky that I got written to. I always read messages and then look at profiles because I understand that online communication is not everyone’s forte and sometimes a simple, “hello” can lead to a pretty interesting profile…but more often than not.

The reason I gave birth to this blog? Sometimes the stupid messages I get are downright entertaining! I can’t make this stuff up! By now you may be thinking, “Is her profile stupid, perhaps that’s why she attracts dumb folks!” – well I can assure you that my profile is well written, sassy, sweetly sarcastic, intelligent and honest. My pictures are 3 face shots, 3 full body (in outfits that my kinda corporate office would approve) and 1 candid featuring a dachshund. My goal is to make people laugh through my anecdotes, messages I actually get (raw & unedited!) and maybe, just maybe, someone out there can learn something…about anything.

Oh, and since I AM looking to remain anonymous when the need arises to use a name I will call myself, “Lovalie” – which in French means, “to laugh at life”.

So read away, tell your friends, comment away and if you have any questions – send em’ my way! Carpe diem!

<3x Lovalie